A child's entire world revolves around parents. When the child grows a little older, friends become the most important part of his or her life. That is, because we can understand our friends and share experiences with them. Being able to understand and relate to people is a basic need of a human being. Connecting with people whom we work with, and go to school with, or share a neighbor hood with, makes us a society. That is how nations are formed. If a society has all of the above, it can be called home; other wise it is just another place to live.

Home is not home, unless people who understand us surround us. I had this realization when my family decided to move to the United States from Pakistan. I was fourteen years old, and I had lived in Pakistan all my life. I had never imagined leaving my country and living in a place where everyone was a stranger. I was also a little excited about coming to America. I wanted to come here and experience the different life style. But leaving Pakistan for an unknown period of time was too big of a price to pay for this.

Finally, with all my apprehensions, my brother and I landed in America. This was a whole new world for me. Everything was fascinating. Although, I was from a wealthy family in Pakistan, and I had everything I ever wanted, in America, I saw things I had never seen before. The ordinary things that were a part of life here were luxuries in my country. Having centrally air-conditioned or heated houses are next to impossible to find there; air-conditioner in one or two rooms is a luxury. Not everyone owns a car; and people who do have cars are usually well to do. The difference in standard of living in the two countries are amazing.

The first couple of months, I tried to get accustomed to the new environment; trying to figure out what I would have to do, to survive here. In the beginning, it seemed like there was no way I could get used to this lifestyle. It was entirely different from what I was used to. The American society appeared to be very materialistic. Alcohol, drugs and social problems engulfed the society. I was shocked the first time a boy asked me out. I could not believe that it did not just happen on TV, but it happened in real life too. Sure, I had heard about it before, but it was rare in Pakistan. No one dated openly. Also, I was astonished to find out that people actually put their parents in nursing homes. I wondered how one could do something like this. Parents take care of us when we need them. How could someone be so cold to them in their time of need? It just did not make sense. Another issue that troubled me was the division of people on the basis of their skin color. Pakistan has a very diverse group of people when it comes to looks. Nevertheless, the issue of someone being better merely because of looks was never a problem. I was absorbing all the negative details and making my own image of America. I wanted to believe that Pakistan was the best place on earth to live.

After almost a year, things started to change. I stopped studying things and started to live them. I became comfortable with the American lifestyle. Now I knew how to handle a boy when he asked me out. It did not upset me when someone called an African American, "Black". I still didn't feel that I was a part of the society, but I understood it. I knew where people were coming from. And I knew what to expect from them.

A couple of years later, I had a chance to go back to Pakistan. I was excited. I knew it would be great to go back, and it was. I was a few years older, and a few years wiser. This time, I saw Pakistan from a different angle. Whatever image of America I had developed in my mind, I was expecting to see the opposite of that in Pakistan. However, I was disappointed to see similar problems corrupting Pakistani society as well. Drugs and social crimes were becoming a big problem in Pakistan too. The gravity of the situation might be different from America, but the ratio was probably the same. Many different ethnic groups had emerged over the years, and they were all at each other's throats, trying to prove that they were better. I was forced to think, what was worse; being divided because of skin color, or because of the part of the country that one lived in. To me, it was the same. To think less of someone because one is different is discrimination, regardless of where or who one is. I saw the same patterns in Pakistan of how people were hungry for money and power. Everyone wanted to be rich. Everyone wanted to be in control. Seeing all this made me think why that country was so important to me. Many reasons that made me think that America was not a good enough place to live, existed in Pakistan too. Before my visit to Pakistan, I did not realize that two countries which were extremely different from each other in so many ways, could have so much in common. 

Then the strangest thing happened. After a couple of weeks, I started to miss America. I was missing my friends, and my belongings. I could not believe it. I had waited so long to come back to Pakistan, and now I was missing United States.

I spent about three weeks in Pakistan, and then I came back to America. It has been quiet some time since then. I am satisfied with living in America. It is a great place to live in. I have learned a great deal living here.

February / March 2002